it's not your fault. it happens. it's all apart of life.

seven. sunnydayrealestate.

sew it on.

face the fool.

december's tragic drive

when time is poetry and

stolen the world outside

the waiting could crush my heart

the tide breaks a wave of fear

and brave songs disappear to the secret

voice of dawn this last time

raise my eyes.

you'll taste it in time

the right words in time.

the mirrors lie those aren't my eyes

destroy them raise my hand

reflected in savage

shards a new face a

soul reborn.

You got me where you want me but, I ain't all there. my head is gone, my brain is fried, and I'm standing right here. You can touch me if you want to, oh I don't really care But I have ruined everything that I ever loved. I guess we have to play the cards we've been dealt. And I guess I got nothing, but whatever happens, happens... 'cause my life is falling apart, Or is it getting better?- I don't know. Well you can kiss me again if you want, I don't mind. Well you can kiss me again if you want, oh that'd be fine.

i love this song.

kiss me again.

-jessica lea mayfield.

lately. lately. lately

there has been no fear in my life. no adventure. no heartbreak. no torment. nothing. i am becoming more and more of a grandpa everyday. i wake up. have a cup of coffee and start my day. my day of driving and work. i feel like i am growing up too fast. my life is moving around me but, i can't seem to just jump in. it's like a game of double dutch. you are to afraid to jump in. i am guess i am too afraid to exprerience real friendship and real good times.

on a lighter note, i am progressing more and more into this whole writing music thing. i have discovered for indie folk/bluegrass/newgrass. it is so appealing. emotion driven lyrics. lots of twang. ya know. the good stuff. well, at least in my opinion.

transitioning.

2009 has came to end.

so technically i haven't updated this since last year. awh well.

but onto the real point. since 2009 is over i guess i am going to right up a list of things that happened. from january to december.

January

well nothing really happened....


February

Broke a heart.
Made mine better.
Felt alive.
Made new friends.
Became more and more unproductive.

March

nothing really happened yet again...

April

went to michigan.
went to iowa.
discovered the silent years.
loved their music.
started my barefoot spring/summer.

May

saw chiodos 2 times in a week.
drove to chicago.
got promoted.
picked up the guitar.
fell in love with my guitar.
started dreaming again.

June

saw chiodos again.
got my new car.
drove my new car illegally.
lost some friends.
gained A LOT more.
wrote my first 'real' song.
hated it.

July

finally stopped driving my car illegally.
got drunk to much.
ate a lot of qdoba.
quit drinking soda.

August

still went barefoot.
got drunk some more.
slept in a tent in someones backyard.
dreamt a lot more.
fell in love with new music.
started drinking soda again.

September

quit the wedding.
lost my best friend.
couldn't be happier about it.
met some more awesome people.
got drunk when i should have been at this wedding.

October

halloween.
got drunk some more.
passed out in someones bathroom.
got creeped on a lot.
met a nice girl.
talked to her.

November

tried and failed.
put roses on her windshield everyday only to realize i didn't want that shit.
didn't get drunk as much.

December

turned 20.
realized i need to get my shit together.
regretted a lot of shit from this past year.
hated everything.
needed a friend.
had no one to be close too.
listened to the smiths alone too much.
hoped for a turn around.

... and that brings me to 2o1o.

I do believe that this year will bring out the best in us all.
I won't make the same mistakes again.

If only time would stand still long enough for me to take a picture. So, in that second, I could say I froze time. But, time stops for no one. Not even me. I guess all I can do is seize the moment, and hope it freezes in my brain. But I honestly have made no good memories lately. Maybe that's my only problem!?! Maybe I just need to freeze a few shots of my life. So I can pull out that old shoe box in the back of mind and smile to myself later. Ya know. That good old sub conscious, Where my brain or heart don't exist.

Bahaha the conscious says to the brain "don't mind me!!!" :-)

--i think its funny, but i think alot of things are funny.

Not dead, just lifeless. Not quite alive, just breathing.

Complete Misery. Completly Alone. Completely Disguisted.

And you are not even ashamed?

And you can't even look me in the eye?

And you can't remember me?

You can't feel because you are numb?

You can't dream because you are alone?

You can drink because you are sad?

You can't think because you are simply mad.