When you finally realize that the World is your oyster...

When life gives you lemons what do you do?

Most say make lemonade. I would not. I would find a friend who just bought some vodka and throw a party.

I am going to stop looking at my life in such a negative way. It is getting me no where.

I was always thinking that I was always lost, but I have realized that I am at exactly where I am supposed to be. And things happened the way they did because it was supposed to happen. Sometimes things suck, sometimes things go well. And you just have to go with it all the time. Life doesn't have a book of instruction that you go to when it doesn't work out. Life doesn't have a return or exchange policy. If it is missing a piece, find a replacement. If it is a little faulty, fix it.

All you can honestly rely on is being the best person you can and eventually you will succeed in anything you want. I honestly now believe if you work hard enough you can accomplish anything. No matter who or what stands in your way. Optimism is a best bet. Being a debbie downer and a sour puss will let you down.

360°

"I remember things, not many things, I remember when my feet touched the ground."

I am sick of daydreaming about my past life. About how happy and completely satisfied I was. I miss it so much. When life had a meaning. When love existed in the very threshold of my heart. When I never had a dull day.

Now, all the colors have changed. My very life has took a 360° turn. I am going uphill, but it is like I am on rollerblades and I just keep going back and falling down.

iwanthappiness.iwanttosmileconstantly.iwanteverythingiusedtohaveandmore.

Am I selfish?

die to create new life.

destruction is a form of creation.

everything must die to create new life. the gazzelle will die and rot. That will give nitrogen to the plants, to grow, so it feeds its own species.

Without death there would be no life. And without life there would be no death. The two go hand and hand.

People think that death is morbid. That is just "God's way of showing his wrath." Yet, I don't think that at all. The only reason death is so "morbid" is because we as humans do not experience it enough. Apparently, we are all selfish and never want anyone else to live.

Anywhere from 25o,oo to 3oo,ooo people die a day. Yet, death is still so morbid to you.

Without death you would not be here. Without death we would none be here.

ponder on this. it may not make sense, because i wrote it completely off hand. yet, ponder. comment.

sewing machine.

Stitches have been ripped. I need to sew back up that old pair of jeans I have been calling my "life."

p.p.f.

lately, i have been staring into this imaginary crystal ball and only seeing my past. which brings me to question, is my past going to be my future? is that not what a crystal ball represents?

i usually do not dwell farther back than yesterday, but lately it seems like everything has been "2 years ago." i miss everything from then. back when everything was okay, and everyone was okay. i wish i could turn back time and relive every second over again. every fight, every tear shed, tell every story again, every everything.

i am so sad that everything that i could have possibly known has slipped from my loose grip. all i can do is damn myself everyday for letting go of all the possibilities. for leaving so many questions unanswered. for leaving everything with a dot, dot, dot, and no ending. finally i am going to start where my old life left off. i am hoping to hop aboard that train once more. even if it is not in first class. i will ride in the back, and slowly creep back into the seats where my old life sits. gaining my old happiness back. gaining my everything and my nothing back. gaining everyone who had influenced me (minus a choice few) back.

i am not saying i am going to be who i was back then, because i can not afford to drop maturity levels. i am just saying i want to have my old friends back.

as for the p.p.f. title. it stands for past, present, future.