p.p.f.

lately, i have been staring into this imaginary crystal ball and only seeing my past. which brings me to question, is my past going to be my future? is that not what a crystal ball represents?

i usually do not dwell farther back than yesterday, but lately it seems like everything has been "2 years ago." i miss everything from then. back when everything was okay, and everyone was okay. i wish i could turn back time and relive every second over again. every fight, every tear shed, tell every story again, every everything.

i am so sad that everything that i could have possibly known has slipped from my loose grip. all i can do is damn myself everyday for letting go of all the possibilities. for leaving so many questions unanswered. for leaving everything with a dot, dot, dot, and no ending. finally i am going to start where my old life left off. i am hoping to hop aboard that train once more. even if it is not in first class. i will ride in the back, and slowly creep back into the seats where my old life sits. gaining my old happiness back. gaining my everything and my nothing back. gaining everyone who had influenced me (minus a choice few) back.

i am not saying i am going to be who i was back then, because i can not afford to drop maturity levels. i am just saying i want to have my old friends back.

as for the p.p.f. title. it stands for past, present, future.