and i

"I remember things, not many things. I don't remember places and times, but i remember the love and just who gave it to me."


Lately i feel kind of out of place. I feel like I have no purpose. I feel like I am not having my desired effect on this earth I am standing upon.

No one is intellectual enough for me to have a conversation with. I am thinking to highly. Not one person wants to love me, because I have no idea how to love back. No one wants to just come over, because they all have better things to do. No one is proud of me, just because I have never truly accomplished anything in my 19 going on 2o years of life.

I truly just want to escape, but not from those around me. I want to be a better person, who loves and makes those around him proud. I want to have goals, dreams, and ambitions. I love myself, and I don't want to make a change to myself. But it seems like I really need too. Just so friends, family, co-workers, my peers, and mere strangers will be happy with me. It is kind of a selfless way of thinking honestly. I mean I myself, am willing to give up everything that makes me happy to make those around me happy with me. Although I have become everything I never wanted to be, I am completely okay with it. I want to do this for their own good. Not for mine.


I have never wanted to be in love.
I have never asked to live.
I have never wanted to have a goal.
I have never wanted to breath.

all of it just happened.

And like all that has happened, this will too. I will mold myself until all the stars align, in a perfect straight line across the sky. Each day fixing a new problem with myself. Until I am perfect. Well, at least perfect in their eyes.

"I am not Jesus, but i am more than a man."